November 21, 2006

Someone please remind me.....

....or even explain it to me for the first time in a way that makes sense and that will lead me to the great "...aha moment..." that means something and makes it not hurt so much.........

Why is it that when our dearly beloved 4-legged friends become sickly, old and frail we treat them humanely and stop their suffering by euthanizing them....and allowing them to go gracefully to the romping fields and rivers in the sky......

........and why is it illegal to do the very same thing for our 2-legged dearly beloved humans???? For the love of all that is holy I just DON'T GET THAT!!!

With many of the weightier issues in life, like this one, I can tend towards sitting on the fence one way or another....call it a Gemini trait, the yin and yang....hell call it a cowardly way out to not stand firmly on one side of an issue or another.......but I tell you this......if there had been ANY way today to put my Dad out of his misery and end his suffering.....I can say with conviction that I would have done it!!! For sure and without a doubt!!

Today confirmed for me that he no longer enjoys even a modicum of quality of life any more....I truly believe that if it were not for the fact that he was always been incredibly, physically healthy and fit....his heart would have given out long ago....but no, today as I cradled him in my arms, as he slept because they have him so fucking medicated that he can't keep his eyes open, I could feel his heart beating strong as ever....but a beating heart does not equal quality of life in my humble opinion.

I am so, so, so angry and I had a fleeting, bizarre, out of the blue thought that perhaps I need to start going to church......surely the answer to my question might be found there??? On second thought....I don't think so......

....excuse me while I go rip up a phone book, punch a wall, put in a call to the man upstairs or cry myself a river!!

13 peeps just sayin':

The Guy Who Writes This said...

Sorry to hear you in that state, Boo. I fortunately live in Oregon where we passed the Death with Dignity Act twice, and physicians are allowed to perscribe a fatal dose of medications.

Study up on what we did here and become an activist to change the laws where you live.

Trish said...

Oh hon...you are not alone in this you know.

I was thinking...the medication may seem inhumane but perhaps he is dreaming of the old days when he was healthy and smart and quick with those funny word twists he used to do.

SassyFemme said...

Oh Boo... {{{{ }}} Been there and through this with both of my parents. Wishing you the peace and strength to get through this time.

the only daughter said...

I am so very sorry for your non-loss loss and the pain it causes you & your family.

May peace be with you.

Drew Blackstone said...

Boo - I am so sorry that you (and Trish) are going through this.

Some questions have no answers. Time may not heal all wounds. Not all tears are evil. Love is always good.

You are in my prayers.

Syd said...

I'm so sorry for your pain. I don't even know what to say. I'm just...so sorry.

Rainwolf said...

Wish I could add some comfort, I'm with you as far as why can't we...
Take care of yourself, you're in my thoughts.

Swishy said...

Ohhh, hon, I'm so sorry. Sending a big, huge hug and lots of prayers your way.

The Mad Hatter said...

I know where you coming from with this hun and there were days when I would have been happy in a sad way to 'put ma out of her misery', there were also days when she asked me too. I feel your pain.

I kiss you loads XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

WenWhit said...

Barb -

I'm sorry I'm behind in my reading, and even sorrier to hear your father is doing so poorly. I know nothing really helps ease the pain and you're right: the laws regarding such issues are BS. Trust that your father knows how much you love him.

Anonymous said...

I'm late reading this post. Your words, "...as I cradled him in my arms..." broke my heart.

Bless you as you go through such a difficult time.

Anonymous said...

so late reading this@!! so sorry for your pain and what you have to go thru!!!

My prayers are with you...

Anonymous said...

OK (sniffle, sniffle) ... if that doesn't just tug at (if not rip apart) the heartstrings I don't know what could. (((BOO)))

I send you all strength; I'll keep you in my thoughts.

((BOO))