Following on the coat-tails of a post recently written over at Bent Fabric titled "Okay You Two - Break It Up!".....I suggest that, in most cases, it's not a great idea to try to live together as "friends" with an ex!! Bent acknowledges the difficulties surrounding a break-up and then offers a great deal of sage advice on how to cross that great divide with minimal thoughts of retribution stress and heartache.
For the most part I think I have done pretty well sticking by her pointers.....keep in mind that this has been a break-up stretching over 1+ year (but the relationship has stretched over 15+ years...with a 4+ year break in there somewhere....confusing I know....but it IS a long story....yikes!!).....ok so maybe one of Bent's points was about not making this a long drawn out affair...but well...you know....there were circumstances!! gimme a break here!!
Ok, so on with the rest of the points.........1) I haven't bad-mouthed her to our friends
**the best part of this pointer is that Bent used the word va-jay-jay** LOL but I digress.....
2) Tedious friendship discussions have not even happened...well at least not on my part!! REALLY hard to think about friendship when you are basically the dumpee and there appears to be NO reason for the dump in the first place!!
**seriously, I have not been given one clue why this is happening** ok but I digress again....
3) Counselling...about counselling Bent says.....
Counseling. Sure, why the hell not? Therapy can facilitate closure. You are
bound to hit the high road when it costs you hundreds of dollars to wrap things
up.
Nuff said 'bout that!! Been there, done that.....she did not care to go and try to figure things out so there you have it.....'nuff said!
4) "Refuse to answer any questions that begin with, "I just want to know one thing..." What follows that phrase is always trouble." Well, I got this one covered.....I would have been the one asking these questions.....and I can thankfully say.....I refrained.....what's the point!! I learned my lesson spending far too much time playing this game with a long ago ex and it ended up with me engaging in the screamin' meemies each and every time.....not a pretty site......ain't goin' there ever again!!
5) We haven't had sex in I ain't sayin' how long!!
6) Not gonna rehash this relationship EVER again......we got back together again after a long hiatus due, in part, to rehashing the fucking relationship!! Can we say........DOH!!!
Here is where the angry part comes in for me.........
Once you have made the realization that you would be happier elsewhere, you owe it to yourself and your partner to impart that information
straightforwardly. Of course, she will likely hate your guts. She's supposed to;
you're dumping her. But her rancor for you will be short lived if you don't
waste months of her life trying to persuade her that you are doing what is best
for both of you.
I did not get this courtesy......as time has passed it has become increasingly apparent that she was outta this relationship some time ago....and what small information I have received has been sparse at best....and outright misleading at worst......and I do feel like that last year or so has been a waste....as she has been clear (to herself) about where she is headed......but somehow forgot to convey that message along to me......good grief and for the love of all that is fucked and bizarre sacred and holy....that's what broke us up the first time around!!
So there you have it....my life in a nutshell over the past little while....my lil ol' heart been broke.....lol time to put it back in it's cage!! Never shoulda let it out again......double padlock this time....
.... a shout-out and a thank-you again to Bent for her post which came at me outta the blue....but in a good way....you know...one of those hit you over the head kind of things.Funny how things happen.....I don't often talk about personal stuff on my blog.....and this post did not start out being about what it ended up being.....but it has had a cleansing effect of sorts to write about it.
Points to Ponder....
It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. It is the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance. It is the one who won't be taken who cannot seem to give. And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.
--The Divine Miss M.
12 peeps just sayin':
Good post. Sorry about what brought it on. Take care.
Just break it off. Clean. Not unclean. Or however I should put it. Clean break. It only ends up being a giant pain.
Unless there are kids involved, but that's another thing altogether.
{{{HUGS}}}
So sorry
Love the new template tho'
{{{{Barb}}}}
Very nice new template. You know it's over when your idea of oral sex is yelling, "F-U" to each other from across the room. Sorry about the trauma - but right on! Set yourself back on your path. And, good luck.
Regardless of how you ever face it..breaks are hard plain and simple. Someday you will let your heart free again. But take your time and allow yourself to rediscover yourself. I am still trying to find myself again after my last relationship. Hang in there!
I'm sorry this has happened to you. After all those years, that just sucks. Don't keep your heart padlocked up for too long. {{{ }}}
(((((((((Boo)))))))
Breakups suck. Totally suck.
Take the time to take care of you, y'hear?
(((Hugs to you))
I feel your pain, Boo. I still live with my ex. We were together for eight, almost nine years. Sad thing is the relationship expired long before it ended.
It's a heartbreaker, but hang in there and you will get through this.
{{{Boo}}}
Broken hearts are the absolute worst. I've been mending one for a couple years (yes, YEARS!) now, and it's hard. Big hugs to you.
~Big Ginormous Hugs~, hon. I can sorta relate. If you need a shoulder (or two - I've got two!!), you can find me at my posted email address.
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